Your finest mate’s ex is forbidden fruit, however what do you do when you may’t resist? Jana Hocking has some ideas that can assist you escape unscathed.
This week on my podcast I had my attractive good friend, Laura Csortan, on as a visitor. We met at a celebration a number of years in the past and it’s like two troublemakers discovered their twin. We had been inseparable for all the get together, and have been agency associates ever since.
So, as occurs once you construct a friendship, someplace alongside the traces you begin speaking about guys you’ve dated, or kissed, or flirted with, and like half of Sydney singleton’s of their thirties, we found we had been ‘spit sisters’.
Yes it’s a gross time period, however what it principally means is, we’ve each kissed a number of the similar guys – and belief me, it’s not unusual.
Quite a number of associates in my friendship group and I, share the identical title. In reality, one in all my closest associates is at the moment dating a man I went out with a number of years in the past.
We all picnicked collectively, simply final weekend.
So it introduced us to the subject of, properly … what are the rules relating to dating somebody your good friend has already dated, and I inform you what … it’s a main gray space!
Here is how I see it … If you’ve seen your good friend cry over a bloke, or had her coronary heart completely damaged into items over a bloke – he’s off bounds!
Firstly, as a result of it’s your obligation to HATE him, and secondly, associates are household.
However …. There are loads of us who’ve been the dumpee earlier than, and to my associates I say, go for gold! If you discover that somebody, who I’ve damaged up with drama-free, is floating your boat, then he’s truthful sport. You might definitely be higher matched, and who am I to face in entrance of cupids bow?
Now earlier than all of us get forward of ourselves, and scan via our associates exes just like the thirsty lockdown bandits that we actually are, I ought to state there are some additional rules to abide by relating to dating a friend’s ex.
They go as follows …
You MUST have a dialog with your good friend first
Now, you suppose this is able to go with out saying, nonetheless let’s be sincere, nobody enjoys a clumsy dialog, and anybody who says there isn’t a teeny tiny thrill in sneaking round is mendacity.
However, as I mentioned earlier than, associates are household and also you’ve obtained to do them proper. If you suppose this man is somebody you want to get to know higher … or a minimum of bare … you’ve obtained to have the chat. Rip it off like a bandaid. Trust me, you’ll really feel higher for it.
Check if each your good friend and the ex are in a great place
If your good friend can’t stand the ex, it’s extremely doubtless he gained’t be welcomed at a cocktail party. You don’t want that drama. Also, it might imply the date ended on a nasty be aware. Find out why. If it’s potential to keep away from some massive ol’ crimson flags, then rely it as a blessing.
Check you even have emotions for them
Now you may battle me on this, however belief me, it could actually’t damage to examine in with your self.
Do you just like the bloke or simply the joys of all of it. If this isn’t price shedding a friendship over, don’t proceed previous go. Don’t gather $200. Go on a dating app as a substitute. Plenty of fish within the sea, and all that jazz …
Ponder how shut this particular person is to you as a good friend
Are you about so far your BEST friend’s ex? Ooooh woman, you might be taking part in with fireplace!
If this can be a woman who generally pops up in one in all your friendship WhatsApp grounds, nonetheless have a convo, and proceed with care … but when that is your BEST good friend … then you definitely wish to ensure that this bloke is somebody you would probably marry. Otherwise, you’re principally a unclean scumbag.
Ok, I hope that clears it up as soon as and for all. The dating world could be ROUGH. Take care with that coronary heart of yours.
Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking